Politics

I really shouldn't talk politics. I don't really like it. I'm supposed to be happier and not depressing, but I want to explain myself, if I can, in a format that I can at least articulate myself better in.

Jo, Katie, and I got into a discussion about gay marriage tonight as I was talking to them about the Christian concept of "dying to yourself." I really don't have the best explanation of this, only a vague concept that eludes me most days. One example that I thought of was in the 2008 election I voted against gay marriage. If you feel you can no longer speak to me or you automatically think I am some close-minded super conservative Republican jerk, that's fine. I'm sorry it ended this way, but I'm not sorry about my decision.

I was very, very hesitant to vote on this issue. Everyone around me on campus was for it, signs were everywhere, it was such a big deal. Still is, of course. And personally, I don't want to deny someone the right to get married. I couldn't handle it if I couldn't get married. It's what I dream of the most and I couldn't imagine devastating someone like that. Just to be married, simple. When I first heard this was on the ballot, my immediate instinct was vote for it, make it legal.

And then I thought about it a lot. And I thought, What would God want?

I asked tons of different people everyday. I've never cared more about a decision. If someone was against it, I would argue for it. If someone was for it, I would argue against it. Both arguments rang true within me. I had so much turmoil destroying my insides over the issue. How could I deny someone the thing I dream of most? What if it was me?

I hold marriage in very high regard, not just in a biblical sense but in anyone-becoming-committed-to-each-other sense. I hold it in the highest regard, almost more than anything in the whole world. Marriage is a very big deal to me. I remember a quote from the movie What Happens in Vegas?, which I know is the most random movie to quote right now but the judge in the movie says, "It's not homosexuals ruining the sanctity of marriage. It's people like you," speaking of the two stars. And I totally agree with that. Homosexuals are some of the most committed people when it comes to relationships. It's heterosexuals who have wonderfully established the 50% divorce rate.

Yet still I couldn't vote for it. In the Bible, the book I am supposed to follow and believe in with all of my being, it says that homosexuality is a sin. And politically, this decision should have noting to do with religion. But politics are based on beliefs of how the world should be and beliefs include your religious ones. Someone said to me during this time that allowing gay marriage is allowing sin, saying it's ok to do that. We've outlawed murder and theft and lying, which are all sins as well. What makes this one different?

It literally came down to the last second.

There was so much around me for gay marriage that God seemed so tiny, non-existent in this decision. I honestly voted against marriage to give God a voice while honestly believing that it would be allowed without a question. I was actually shocked that it didn't pass.

Tonight, Jo asked me who am I to deny someone marriage?

On the other hand, in a biblical sense and as a Christian, who am I to let someone go to hell?

I don't know if I necessarily believe that. I don't know if I necessarily believe homosexuality is a sin. In fact, personally, I believe in LOVE above all else, no matter who it is between, as long as it is pure and good.

But that day I died to myself.

And no matter what I believe, I'm not sorry I did it.

F.I.N.A.L.S. Week In Review (Part One)

Now that I have gotten through F.I.N.A.L.S. without

1. murdering a fellow student

2. shooting myself

3. punching a baby

I can finally tell you all the magic and delight that was F.I.N.A.L.S. weeks (Here, magic and delight means extreme amounts of anger and stress, a total lack of sleep that your body has become used to, the morbid thoughts of bleeding out on your chemistry, finding five minutes to talk to someone so you know you may still be sane somewhere deep within your heavily burdened soul, and the intense twitching of suppressing the desire to completely bear-slaughter (Here, bear-slaughter means slaughtering someone like a bear, with your bare/bear hands and ferociousness,) one and all for disturbing you with their screaming, talking, loud music, coughing, sneezing, opening of the laundry room door, toilet flushing, heavy breathing, loud page turning, and everything else that is deemed a bear-slaughter worthy nuisance.).

Yes, now I no longer feel those things, yay!

So, I can tell you about them in great and hilarious detail.

First, there was my Literature Final.

It was due Wednesday at high noon. I was as ready as a gunslinger for that final. Everything was done, it only needed to be printed out.

After working all night minus the two hours I went crazy with Jezli, I finally went to bed at 7 Wednesday morning, intending to sleep until 11, print out my final, then go turn it in.

Simple sounding, yes?

Oh no. Very, very no.

I wake-up and go to print everything. Haul my heavy laptop over to the printer, plug it in, get everything going, and I print out all the little papers and letters and literature reviews that went along with my final. Then, there was my final to print. I decided to print two so that I could give one to my mom to read over break. BAD IDEA! Apparently, the two-sided printing wonder doesn't recognize if you have an odd number of pages where the last one shouldn't be printed on, so that got all fucked up. I was like "Fine, asking too much. Just one copy."

The second time around I had forgotten to take out the last odd page of the first attempt, so I was printing on the back of that and then needed to cancel it. That was my fault.

The third time around I am about to hit "Print" and my computer goes "Whoooompsh." "Whoooompsh" is the sound of my computer randomly shutting down because it randomly fucking feels like DESTROYING MY LIFE.

Turn computer back on.

Wait for it to load back up.

Wait four years for Microsoft word to start.

It's now 11:35.

Wait, wait, wait.

Go.

Runs out of paper.

Fuck.

Scramble under my bed trying to get more paper. Open up tightly sealed plastic thingamabob around the paper.

Cut myself.

Jam paper into printer without getting blood on it.

Fix paper jam.

Finish print. Throw on sweater with oil stains all over it because it is the first thing I can find on the ground. It's not exactly the first thing I find on the ground because there is a lot on the ground.

Put everything into neat little manilla envelope.

Flip-flops. Keys.

11:49.

I need to get to the end of Warren Mall from my Muir Apartment in under 11 minutes.

FUCK GO FUCK!

GO FUCK GO!

I swiftly walk as fast as I can out my apartment, through the horror movie tunnel that was once the sweet way to Sierra Summit, up to Sun God.

Now let me tell you about how I look.

I have not showered in a few days. My hair looks about the same as someone who has lived in a cave for 25 years and forgot a brush. I have no make-up and my face has taken on a rather zitty look. I am wearing basketball shorts with my leg hair definitely grown to bear status. I'm wearing a olive oil stained sweater in 100 degree weather. And nice leather flip-flops.

I look like the fucking epitome of staying-up-all-night-studying-for-finals-turning-this-in-in-the-last-minute-why-the-fuck-do-I-do-this-to-myself.

And that is when I come across a group of perky, young, excited-for-college tour group.

Why, why, WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY would you take a college tour during F.I.N.A.L.S. week?!?

Do you want the worst impression of college life ever?

Do you want to see kids twitching and freaking out and looking like cave-bears??

DO YOU WANT TO DIE???

So there I am dodging my way around the tour groups thinking "You're next, innocent, ignorant, mofos! JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT!" and I realize I have only like 5 minutes left to get to the Lit building and at Treasure Island I just start sprinting.

I am running like a gazelle through campus. Actually probably not a gazelle, more like a rhino. I am sweating like a whore in church in my olive oil stained sweater, my flip-flops are clacking all over the concrete, and my leg hair is not helping with aerodynamics. And I am the only person running in sight, so I'm quite a spectacle for those around me. Such a spectacle, that you don't even need to see me to know I'm there. I'm running along the sidewalk and there is these two guys taking their sweet time up ahead of me and I'm planning my detour around them far in advance to make the transition as smooth as possible. What did they do?

They got off the sidewalk without even needing to look back and sweetly called to me "Good luck on finals."

Whoever you are, cute and nice white boys, I love you. (I say white, not to promote racism in any way, but that pretty much narrows down the UCSD male population in case they do ever read this.)

I called back "Thank you" and kept running. I get in to the building, find the office, it's 11:58

AND THERE'S A FUCKING LINE.

And this girl in front is like this...

(sorry the words are off. have no idea how to fix that. anyone?)

I was going to BEAR-SLAUGHTER HER! Finally she sits down and the guy in front gives the man behind the counter his paper. "It goes in Nikolai's box." He stamps and with all the rapidity of a turtle dying of cancer puts it in Nikolai's box. Then he comes back to the counter and takes the paper of the next guy. "It goes in Nikolai's box," he says.

THIS IS MY GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.

I throw my manilla envelope up there and shout "THIS GOES IN NIKOLAI'S BOX TOO!" He timestamps it and they both get put in there. I am safe. It was all worth it. Every inconvenience perfectly acceptable.

Then I realize I have to walk back across campus the way that I am, this time without the very important looking manilla envelope. Now I just look like a deranged-hobo-cave-bear and I have to pass more groups of tour groups. This is what hell is, isn't it?

As I passed them, I gave them all a mental middle finger and an actually executed mutant scary face that probably matched my deranged-hobo-cave-bear appearance.

And that was Part One of the most interesting parts of F.I.N.A.L.S. week. There's more. I want to share something with you, but right now technological failures are preventing me from doing so. So, it'll have to wait. This is long enough anyway. Enjoy.

F.I.N.A.L.S Fuck I Never Actually Learned this Shit

I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE!

And now I'm going to dance!

OMG I FEEL LIKE SUCH A SKANK

Ok, so in this post where I was totally confused about how to feel because there was so much good and bit of bad that I was highly exaggerating because I'm really over all that boy anyway, I realized why it felt so lacking when I wrote it.

That list was not there in my head when I first started! Posting the trailer was! But not that list! Definitely not the list and the awful segue into ending the post because

THERE WAS A THIRD THING THAT HAPPENED THAT DAY THAT MADE ME FEEL AWESOME!

Oh yes, there was! But in my anxiousness to post the trailer and make sure everyone saw it, I completely forgot about the fact that I spent $300.80 that day.

Can you guess what it was for?

1. No, not my drug addiction. Jerk.

2. I almost wish it had been on macaroni-and-cheese because that meant I would now have 3000ish boxes of macaroni-and-cheese and would not have to resort to making a full meal out of cut-off-sides-S'mores-poptarts or wild grain Rice-a-Roni mixed with tuna because it's the last form of meat I own and could have a legitimate (to me, but not to any of my apartment mates) meal.

3. Yes, you got it.

Haha. You thought I wasn't going to tell you.

Jezli just called me a sense maker and that is what I am going to do for you right now.

Make sense of that awkward space.

I sent $300.80 on plane tickets to go see BETSY IN BOSTON! YAY!

I was very much happy about that on that day whenever it was that there were so many emotions flowing through me and that was going to be my point at the end where I was like "See, there are two good things and one bad things and that equals out to positive things." And then I was going to be like TRAILER!

BUT I FORGOT BETSY IN BOSTON. That sucks. I am an awful person. Please, Betsy, blame it on the fact that I was deeply immersed in the fact that I'm in love with Robert Pattinson and the fact that I don't always buy trips to go across the country as I have barely been outside of the great state of California so when looking back on the day I wouldn't really remember because I would be like "Normal, normal, normal, normal, TRAILER, normal, normal, BOYS CRUSHING MY SOUL, normal, normal" and BETSY IN BOSTON was just too much greatness for me to handle in one day.

Also, it makes sure you get your very own post.

Lucky you.

And so that is why OMG I FEEL LIKE SUCH A SKANK

I Am Slowly Killing Myself

I KNOW! Less emo, more fun. But I do believe that everyone in my apartment believes that I am slowly killing myself quicker than they are because of the fact that I put in my body exaborant (not a word, but it works) amounts of macaroni-and-cheese and peanut-butter-and-jelly and all sorts of delicious things but that aren't good for you in the exaborant (still not a word, but still works) amount that I eat them in.

I expressed this belief yesterday to Jezli and she said

"We do."

Oh, they do?

Jezli also told me that

"I have more days on this planet than you do because of the way I eat and because of the way you eat and I'm going to dominate the planet once you leave because you're superior planet domination skills are keeping me from doing so right now but you will die soon because of your inorganic eating habits and love for foods-that-are-hyphenated."

but in not so many words.

Which is fine by me. She can have the planet when I'm done with it. I bequeath unto you, Jezli H, which is your official name since that's how you put it on Bookface and that is the name that I will use in this official bequest.

And foods-that-are-hyphenated are way better than foods-that-are-not-hyphenated. And even though that phrase is hyphenated, it does NOT mean the unhyphenated foods are goods.

So I did this today.

This is me eating S'mores poptarts because the quarter is ending and I have no real food and I don't want to buy more because then it has to sit here while I'm gone and I don't want to do that to the food, so I'm resorting to eating whatever I have and what I have are S'mores poptarts.

Also, notice that I have removed the edges because I think they taste super gross.

Also, also, Jezli is concerned for me, as noted by her concerned motherly appearance in the background.

By the way, that's what Jezli looks like so if you think she's hot you should friend request her on Bookface. It'll probably be a good technique to save your life especially since I'm bequeathing the domination of the planet to her after I die and she'll probably at least save her Bookface friends when she starts killing all of the spiders and people she doesn't like off.

Flossing And Treasure

So, I should probably floss more than once a week.

Because when I don't it's like finding treasure and you've won the jackpot because it just keeps coming out.

That's disgusting.

My teeth aren't really that gross. If they were I probably wouldn't have teeth anymore and my smile wouldn't be a smile but a gaping hole in my face resembling a smile but it's not because there's no teeth.

I listened to MUSE all day today. I have eight songs on my iTunes and I listened to them repeatedly when I was not studying with another person aka Eyal aka new friend aka pretty damn cool. Also likes watermelon and can crush your soul in Super Smash.

Don't tempt him. He will slaughter your tiny little yellow Kirby mercilessly and laugh in your face about it with a victorious so awesome that is blows your mind and you're no longer able to breathe.

Well, maybe just the merciless slaughter of my tiny yellow Kriby.

In another words, he's bad ass.

Now here's a video of me typing this and trying to brush my teeth.

Spoiler alert-- I gave up doing both.

Serial Killers And Such

Obviously, I'm awful at studying. I really need to and I'm sitting here blogging instead. But I promised myself I'd start studying at 11 so I have exactly 11 minutes to share this with you and then hopefully go play a game on Neopets.

I read this last night instead of studying.

FREAKING CRAZY, RIGHT?!

This is exactly why no one likes clowns because serial killers dress up as them and then sodomize little boys who whimper "I just wanted a balloon animal" and then the murderous Pogo the Clown, fucking creepy name too, is like "Oh, I'll show you a balloon animal." And the kid thinks he's actually going to get one, but no it's actually DEATH.

That was morbid.

But that's my life right now. Finals are like being sodomized and killed by a clown when all you wanted was a balloon animal.

And I even prefer balloon hats.

Late Night Conversations

Jezli and I had a late night conversation after scouring wedding blogs for hours a couple nights ago. It was fantastic and we got some amazing ideas for our future, whenever they shall come weddings. (Jo-- you've got the pies!)

Then we finally peeled our eyes away from all of the DIY beauty and tried to fall asleep.

But we ended up talking-- about boys.

Now boys are stupid, that's my official opinion on the matter, and that was before all of this current crush fallout. I think it'll take me awhile still to find them so necessary to life that I need to spend a majority of my time with one. But we were talking about past boys and future boys and the current lack of present boys, when I said....

ME: "Boys are bullshit."

JEZLI: "Boys are bullshit."

ME: "I 'on't even curr about them."

(Yeah, I said it like that. What's it to ya?)

JEZLI: "Neither do I!"

(silence)

ME: "Jezli... I care so much."

JEZLI: "Me too."

And then we fell off to sleep.

Actually we talked a little longer, but I like this ending better.

It's true. I care. I can say all I want that I don't, but I do. I can honestly say that, right now though, I am not looking for a boyfriend and don't really want one. I have so much fun with these ladies I live with. I have the whole rest of my life to live with a boy, but I only have this year(s) to spend with them. Sorry, future boyfriend, you're going to have to wait awhile.

And, I think of this and I remember what I'm waiting for.

Because this guy's going to be perfect.

How Do I Make My Blog Cooler?

I know!



I'll add a poll.

Look over there, bitches.

It's a poll.

Ok, It's Alright With Me

Ok, so... many different emotions flowing through right now.

First of all, EXHILARATION because the ECLIPSE TRAILER IS OUT! AAAAAH!

I am so excited. The first line is the movie rendition of one of my favorite lines in the entire saga. And they're so close and it's getting closer to my favorite parts and I'm just excited. PLUS, Stephanie, the bestest person ever, and I are planning to go to the premiere so I can finally look upon the face of beauty in person. Insert audible sighs, outrageous giggles, and the weirdest noises ever right here.

Second of all, the boy I like, not any of my "boyfriends" or ER kid or my Out-Of-Reach-Object-Of-Affection or anyone else, the boy real boy I have liked for about a year now-- has a girlfriend. And what sucks is... we're similar. Well, at least according to Facebook. But like... ergh! What does she have that I don't? So, to all of you out there who were really pulling for us, who concluded that since he is an amazing guy who has done some pretty amazing things for me he must like me, it is over. Officially, I have to move on. And what makes me even more sad is that, we're probably not going to be friends anymore. I know it's a day and age where people can have girl friends and boy friends (note the spaces), but I can't do that when he has a girlfriend (note the absence of a space). I didn't hang out with Blake when he and Stephanie were dating and I'm not going to do it now. It's weird hanging out alone with a guy when you know he has someone else.

I guess, good-bye, you.

But good thing the trailer came out because now I have that to

1. Distract me from my studies.
2. Distract me from pain.
3. Make me smile.

And with that, I leave you... Eclipse.

An Ephemeral Melodic Moment

What this page is featured at the top of my blog is my current Song O' Obsession. The art is fleeting as my musical tastes whisk me from one ditty to another, but I thought that you should know what is my heat of the moment. Last week, it was Nancy Sinatra's "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" which I love listening to. It's sexy, sultry, and sensual. It's got a sadness to it that resonates within me, a pain I can emphasize with, and abeauty I could never replicate.

This week it is Guster's "Satellite." I heard it in the movie Martian Child with John Cusack and Amanda Peet, which is pretty much the exact way I want my life to go. I want to be a successful writer and then adopt a weird kid. I have a thing for the weird kid. You know they're going to be difficult, but absolutely genius. I'm not sure how my parenting skills will turn out, but I think I can support the creativity and special attention that the weird kid needs. Except, I would not like my husband to die young of cancer. That would blow.

But I haven't written about the protest or the Oscars or my writing or anything lately. Life's been crazy! The protest was amazing. It was so beautiful to see so many people coming together to raise awareness for the increasing tuition, outrageous budgets cuts, and insulting layoffs the government is putting us students through. I was at the rally at UCSD for about an hour and a half when they said that they were moving to the protest at Balboa Park. Jo was going with a group, so Shirley and I snagged a ride and when we got there, the majority of UCSD students had arrived, so the march started. I didn't even know we were marching, but then we took over Park Boulevard to Broadway to Front Street downtown. It was AMAZING! We shut down streets and freeway exits as we marched along. People everywhere were staring, asking what our cause was or giving us thumbs up and whistles in support.

THINK OF HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW NOW! THINK OF HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SOME SORT OF AWARENESS NOW!

I am so thrilled to have been a part of something like this. You hear about this great stuff happening in the 60's and during times of war. You hear of college kids protesting and rallies and marches. I never though I would be a part of it. So many things are accomplished through these non-violent demonstrations and I feel blessed to have participated in one. You've got a rebel on your hands, California, and I won't be silenced about the ridiculousness you are putting your future leaders, doctors, writers, engineers, politicians, lawyers through. We are all here. We are your future. We will be paying your Social Security and your Medicare and your AARP or whatever you geriatric gremlins need.

Anyway, the day was beautiful, the movement beautiful, and the people... beautiful.

The Oscar's party was amazing! I didn't expect to have so much fun at all! We watched it at a movie theatre and had unlimited popcorn and soda and people would come and refill them for us so we didn't have to leave our seats. And during each commercial they pulled raffle tickets and had SO much cool stuff to give away, the biggest prize being an acoustic guitar signed by George Clooney! I ended up getting a Paranormal Activity tee that some lady won, but she didn't want it and she asked our group who liked the movie and I said I did and so she gave it to me! And they had a ton of big movie posters and at one point they were like, "Well we have a lot of these so come up and get them!" So of course Jo and I ran and she got Up In The Air and the fourth Shrek and I got Princess and the Frog and ECLIPSE!!!! Now I have all three big posters of the three Twilight movies!! I'm really excited! But yeah, it was so much fun! I thought Alec and Steve were so funny and the people speaking about the nominees was really good! I'm so glad Sandra won too. I haven't see the movie at all, but I think she's great and I'm glad she was recognized. I didn't see The Hurt Locker, but now I want to! And I thought it was hilarious that they sat her and James Cameron right next to each other. AWKWARD!

Saw Foosh on Friday with Katie, cousin, and cousin's friend. Pretty funny! I love absolutely everything they do, except for their partying. I especially love everything Jared does, but alas! he is gay and off the market. Oh woeth me! And I found out my other Object of Affection is pretty much a douche, so that cuts that out. And I have no idea about my actual crush. I think he likes someone else, as evidenced by particular Facebook pictures. And ER boy annoys me now. No need to stalk.

I think I will be regular posting things that I'm writing as soon as I start actually writing regularly. I don't think I will post my story that I write for my final, but maybe an excerpt from it. Can't have people stealing my early work now!

Surveying The Land

Hi, my name is.....
Bells.
Never in my life have I...
arrested for being high on crack and driving a stolen golf cart.
The one person who can drive me nuts is...
Anyone featured in a reality show.
High school...
was unnecessary torture.
When I'm nervous...
I laugh.
The last time I cried was...
this morning when I woke because of a sad dream.
If I were to get married right now my wedding would be...
online.
My hair is...
my favorite part of my physical appearance.
When I was 7...
everything happened to me.
Last Christmas...
was spent at Disneyland.
I should be...
doing everything else.
When I look down I see...
my vagina.
The craziest recent event was...
the FOOSH versus Iota Eta Pi show.
If I were a character on Friends I'd be...
Monica.
By this time, next year...
I hope to be in a better spot in life.
My current gripe is...
my extreme lack of motivation. Ever since the noose, I've lost it.
I have a hard time understanding...
why I do stupid things.
There's this girl I know who...
and she's listening to music.
You know I like you when...
I don't tell you I don't like you.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be...
my mama.
Take my advice...
PULL THE PLUG!
My most wanted wish is...
a good husband.
If you visited the place I was born...
you would want to get the hell out of there.
I plan to visit...
New York City.
If you spend the night at my house...
we can play Barbies and board games and paint each other's nails and... and... and...
I'd stop my wedding if...
it was not with the one I'm supposed to be with.
The world could do without...
reality television.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...
watch reality television.
Most recent thing I've bought myself...
the Guster cd.
Most recent thing someone else bought me...
a Vagina Monologue ticket.
My favorite blonde is...
Stephanie.
My favorite brunette is...
myself.
My favorite redhead is..
Rupert Grint.
My middle name is...
Rose
This morning I...
woke up to the saddest dream.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are...
dinosaurs.
I'm eating....
Cheez-Its.
Last night I was...
really hyper and screaming at random strangers.
There's this guy I know who...
he's out of my league.
I don't know...
why I am wasting my time.
A better name for me would be...
Crazypants.
Tomorrow I am...
finishing up homework.
My birthday is...
almost a spectacular event.

Dear Montana

In response to the comment left on my previous blog Hate And A Noose...

I have to agree with you in saying that the noose at UCSD was an extremely cowardly act. Think about this--This supposedly misguided individual says that she did not believe it was a big deal to hang a noose reminiscent of the disgusting lynchings that took place in our country's past in our schools' library during a time of great hardship and pain for the black community at our school, yet if we consdier the placement of the noose- seventh floor of the library in a back corner, facing the windows on the outside edges of the library- we know it cannot be so. She hung this in a place where she could not be caught, some place that it took two and a half hours for people to find and call in about. If the noose had been "no big deal," then why wasn't it placed somewhere more publicspot, such as in front of the library or at the very doorstep of the BSU? If it didn't matter, why hide it? And why come forward so quickly if the horrendous act wasn't eating away at her soul? So, yes, I do agree this act was cowardly and only worsened the already degrading atmosphere for the African Americans on our campus.

What I don't understand in your comment though is why do you believe it is the Republican party instilling these thoughts into this girl's mind? You, in fact, give multiple reasons as to why she could have thought that this act was ok- her parents, a lack of education (which, I must say, I doubt tremendously as she is a student here at UCSD and, although as of right now our reputation seems quite contrary, we are not a bunch of ignorant assholes)- but you give your final assumption to be those "birthers, baggers, and blowhards" of the Republican party, saying those who follow Republican values and the thoughts of specific "dullard" Republicans are "young and dumb." This is where I must disagree with you, my dear Montana. I personally am Republican. I personally hold particular Republican values very near to my heart. I must say I am not the most conservative of my political affiliation and do, in fact, take liberal positions in different political debates. I personally do not live in fear of my black president nor do I simply follow the words of any Republican-ideas activist because they are said. I am young. I am not stupid. I do not believe it is ok to hang a noose in a public library to threaten the black community of my school.

Way to jump to conclusions and blame whoever you want to blame to make yourself feel better. I'm glad there are ignorant people such as yourself to make this world a better place.

You Can Call It Friction

I want to take this moment to apologize to a certain someone. I did something pretty rude today and I'm really sorry. I don't want you to feel bad about it at all and I was a poor excuse of a friend for saying that to you. Please know that you were not in the wrong and I'm just being a super brat. I love you!

And yes, I definitely am being a super brat. I've just been off this week. I thought I would be better after a week of rest and a break from midterms, but I'm not, not even close. I'm still tired and bitchy and awful feeling. I got sick halfway through the week, then I thought my story was due on Friday so I almost pulled an all nighter before I realized it wasn't due. And now I'm behind in every single class. Awesome. I just need a break from this place. I'm over it as of right now, but I always get this way.

I'm pretty sure I'm in a fight with my mom right now because I hung out with my aunt this weekend. She always gets pissed for some reason when I tell her I'm hanging out with my aunt the day of. And it's like... I don't have to tell you anything but I do because I care about you, I want you involved in my life, and I love you. And she gets "hurt" because I "have my own life" and she's not a part of it. I talk to her more than anyone else I know, including the people I live with. It's so annoying because she does only gets mad when I hang out with my aunt. I think she gets jealous that my aunt gets to spend time with me and she doesn't but really it's a bunch of bullshit because my aunt lives 20 minutes away and she lives 12 hours away. It's ONLY when I hang out with my aunt. And it's annoying as fuck.

Gosh, I'm pretty complaning today. Lets change this up a bit.

I'm very happy that our house has made into the dodgeball championships. We are amazing. I've never wanted to play a sport more than this and I ran cross country for three years. Today I played at the beack with Jo, Tina, Arka, Surajh, and other people that the boys introduced us to today. It was so much fun, running through the grass. I really enjoyed how we changed the game to fit the limited space and people. And it felt so nice to be at the beach even though my legs went into shock after spending so much time in grass. They do not like the grass.

I really enjoyed my time out with my aunt. I really needed some time off campus, away from all of the tension I feel here. We went to Little Italy and ate at Fillipi's, I think it was called. Something Italian named, of course. And I got this delicious shrimp and noodle dish. It was so rich in butter though. I've tried to eat it a few different times and I cannot eat more than a little bit because it's so rich. Then we went and checked out an AMAZING art exhibit at the MCA by Tara Donovan who does the coolest things with styrofoam cups, straws, sheets of plastic, mylar, SCOTCH TAPE, toothpicks, tar sheets, buttons, sewing pins. I mean, this was just the coolest stuff ever.

This was my favorite. It's made out of tiny strips of myler, glued together to make rings. The rings are attached together and the whole piece is held up by pins on the wall. It was breathtaking. And so interesting. The one I saw reminded me of a tree top and was smaller than this one.

I can seriously picture myself doing this to my own house one day. It would definitely be time consuming and I'm definitely no Tara Donovan but I actually do believe I could recreate something like this. Not as elaborate or pretty, but something on my own. I think this would be an amazing piece for someone's own home.
If you look at the rings up close, they look like clear glass pebbles attached to the wall because the light bounces off of the metallic insides of the rings creating all this depth and wonder. It's sincerely one of the best things I've ever seen. AH! I just loved it and was so happy I was able to see it on it's last day in San Diego. Also, I got to meet Tara Donovan which was pretty cool. We had the same color nail polish on-reddish orange, which is a pretty strange color to have in common.

Anyway, good and bad this week. I would say mostly bad. And after spending a jillion hours barely doing any homework, I'd say this week it starting out on a bad foot too. Uh-oh. Let's get myself together, Chelsey!