Friday, June 17, 2011


I don't know what I had in mind when I changed my whole blog and created New.

Maybe I was tired of the format that I hadn't had for that long. Empty Stage Empty Page (ESEP) was good for the brief period it lasted... It was a time when I had no idea where my life was going. The background was as musically inclined as I was and it even had a crowd at the bottom cheering on whatever I decided to display on the stage that was my blog. I guess I was tired of being on stage though. I did feel my blog had become an act, a performance for those who read it, a thing I could write on from time to time without actually writing anything of importance. I didn't want that anymore. I didn't want my blog to be a performance. I just wanted it to be me.

And I tried that with New. as I attempted to give myself a goal to write about something every single week. But it became formulaic, which most everything in my life becomes, and my life just wasn't giving me anything that would fit properly into the formula. So I stopped blogging. I stopped writing and let my blog become a podium to speak to someone I couldn't speak to in real life. So many of the blog posts in New. were for Hugo. (Yes, Hugo, because I'm 95% sure anyone who reads this knows what happened between us and is there any point in not being honest now?)

But now that part of my life is closed. With all the drama and hardships I've been through this year, seeing both my past and my future being relentlessly shaken up and challenged and torn away from me, I've learned a lot about myself. I have no fucking clue what yet, but the ideas are beginning to form. I'm beginning to see things about myself more clearly, most especially the faults in the way I think, and finding things I want to change. I've always wanted to change myself, but never really have. I've never really dedicated myself to anything, to be honest, but I'm looking to change that to.

As Obama as it sounds, I think I may have found my new blog title.

Or maybe I'll look up a synonym.

Anyway, for those of you that have, thank you for following New., for reading, for commenting, for simply clicking the link when you noticed I had said something on here. I can't promise anything better, but for now at least I want to try.