Don't You Hate It When...

you have to pee really, really, REALLY bad but you also want to wash your face and then you choose to wash your wash and the whole time you're doing it you're like "wow, this water sounds just like pee falling into a toilet" and you wish that it was your pee falling into the toilet but it's not because you chose to wash your face instead so then you're sitting there trying to wash your face while also doing a pee dance and attempting to not get the apricot scrub microbeads in your eyes because THAT FUCKING HURTS and and then you make the water warmer to distract you from the pain in your bladder because you love warm water on your body almost more than you love air in your lungs but then that DEFINITELY reminds you of pee because isn't pee warm? and you think you know that either from experience or from class and then finally you finish washing your face and you finally get all those DAMN microbeads off your face and you get your belt undone and your pants down and then finally, FINALLY you get to pee?

Yeah, that just happened to me.

What has been the best period of your life so far?

When I read this, I immediately assumed you were talking about my menstrual period for some reason and I was like "My second period ever in seventh grade that only lasted half a day and didn't come back for another six months."

Anyway, period of life as in "stage," "phase," "era," "age," "epoch." I'm not exactly sure. I think I would say right now. Early childhood was messed up by divorce, switching houses, switching schools, switching cities. Junior High and beginning of high school was marked by severe depression. Rest of high school was downed by an absence of me from God and some really... shitty events/people. Freshman year of college was hurt by heartbreak.

And now... now I'm... free of all that. For the most part. There's dealing with that past and not letting it hurt who I am now, but accepting it as part of who I am now. Now there's happiness and true friends and an empty road ahead of me. Now there's pages to be written and adventures to be had and music to hear and concerts to see. There's nothing but me holding me back and I'm not going to let myself do that.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

what career path are you on? if you're a ninja or a spy, you don't have to tell.

My first non-perfectly written question! Yay! I know you are real and not a robot feeding me questions. I am unsure how many questions below are real because I think formspring just felt bad for my non-getting-questions and gave me a whole bunch. I was unsure because there were none that were not perfectly written. But YOURS ISN'T CAPITALIZED, so I know you're real. And that means, you are loved.

And it's a good thing you said that, anonymous, because if I was (I DEFINITELY AM) a spy and/or (AND) ninja, I wouldn't tell you. Because... I would have to kill you. If you look like 2 or 3 questions below, you will see that I have various ways to kill people while also simultaneously protecting Katie. I always protect Katie.

But my career front is unsure as of right now. I used to want to become a counselor, especially one for teens, because I think I understand that age group well and I understand a lot of things that teens go through REALLY well. But then I found out how much schooling that is and I also realized that I might not be well suited for that, so I'm unsure. I'm really sick of school now and that might change by the time I graduate but if it doesn't I might even go back once I do some things that are very unschoolish. Other than that, I'm also considering being a writer, working in the publishing world, working for Disney/applying for an internship there, working for TWLOHA/applying for an internship there, working on a ranch, being a truck driver, not caring about an actual career and being a secretary or something so I can meet my Jim and do other things that aren't career oriented, like live in a camper and travel around the mainland United States. I don't know. The future holds a lot for me right now and there are so many things I'm figuring out that I want to do besides jumping into grad school or starting my career. I'm very excited for the unknown for once in my life.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

What is the weirdest food you would eat?

Anything made by Jezli.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

What is your weapon of choice?

It depends upon the situation. Different situations call for different weapons. If there is a rapist, you need numchuks, preferably the rapist's numchuks because what's more embarrassing than getting beaten down by your own numchuks. If there is a smoke monster, I would morph into a plane and tell him "C'mon, Smoke Monster, let's get you off this island!. We're goin' places." And then he would get on (with his bitty arm) and I would take him away and he would say "RAWRRAWRRAWRRARA" much like Lady Gaga, and he would be so excited to leave the island, then I would drown that bitch in the bottom of the ocean. I would leave the plane down there, which would be the equivalent of cutting off my middle toe and then I would save the island. If it was a unicorn rapist, I wouldn't do a thing, because when he inserts his horn into your babymaker, he's really just leaving a bunch of love crumbs in there, so that when you walk around, the love crumbs come falling out and you spread the pure and innocent love of a unicorn around wherever you go.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The chicken. God created the aminals (spelled the way I want it to be spelled) and was like "THOU SHALT NAME HIM...?" and Adam and Eve were all like "chicken???" and then God was like "IT SHALL BE SO." And it was all good in the ancient hood.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

What is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for you?

There are two things I can think of--
1. Stephanie sending me letters. That's super nice of her. My mom sends me letters but that's because she has to because she's my mom. Stephanie doesn't though. And it's always pretty damn awesome when you get a letter from your best friend in the mail that usually contains some sort of mix cd or funny inside joke or just the fact that it is always addressed to me by my real name.
2. Katie, Jo, and Jezli living with this year (and now Katie again for signing up for living another year with this crazy biatch). Seriously, no one has to live with me. No one has to SHARE A ROOM WITH ME (Jezli) but they do. And for some reason, they still love me. Even after all the crazy wacked out crap that comes out of my mouth about 95% of the time I am awake. Who knows, maybe even asleep too? They're wonderful ladies and I'm blessed beyond measure for their presence in my life. Putting up with me enough to live with me is seriously one of the nicest, if not the nicest. Although this honor will only be able to be taken over by my future husband who will probably be insane because he chose to commit the rest of his life to me. I feel bad for that guy.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

You stumble upon a magic lamp with a resident genie that grants you three wishes, what would they be?

I would wish for financial security. I've lived almost my whole in fear of being homeless or not having enough food on the table. Even though God has seen my family through every last terrifying moment, I wish that we wouldn't have to worry. Sure more money would mean different worries, but at least my family wouldn't have to be scared.
I would wish for lifelong passes to Disneyland/Club 33. That would just be cool.
I would also wish for more self-discipline. That's weird, but it's something I severely lack.

Ask me anything. I dare you.

People I Love

I don't know when I'll be posting this because the title really covers so many things and I really want to give each person a spotlight because, in my mind, they all have one. And all their spotlights together create this huge ball of light and love that constantly keeps me going throughout my days.

Mom

Dexter

Stephanie

Katie

Joanne

Jezli

Amelia

Ashtyn

Betsy

Rachel

The Parties

Nathalie

Andrew

Ashley

Vicky

Kelsey

Kristen

Shirley

Lauren

And I feel weird making a list of the people I love because there are so other many people out there whose compassion and affection I feel even when they're not around or even if we've been distant for quite some time. If you're not on this list, it doesn't mean I don't love you, not at all. I'm human and have a disgusting propensity to forget those who aren't completely salient in my life. But I wanted to at least acknowledge those who are there, more than anyone else in the word, the people who I feel totally safe with, the people I don't censor myself in front of. I needed to. I don't know if it's this week taking it's toll on me but I just needed to remind myself of these people-these beautiful and awesome people.

Thank you for being there.

Helter Skelter 2.0

Updating my list of things to do. I can't go on Facebook because I made Katie change my password and I can't even just do random things online in the place of Facebook because I know I'll find something I'll want to link to them. Oh well, you get a lot of I'M-GOING-TO-GO-CRAZY posts. They won't be as bad as they were during Finals Week last quarter though. I was literally a different person my insanity was so ridiculous.

TUESDAY:Reading for PSYC158 (since I doubt I'll finish it today)Study for PSYC 105ROOM SELECTION FOR IHOUSE (may or may not blow my brains out here, send a prayer that I live with Katie)LTWR ClassPSYC105 Midterm (but no lecture afterwards, thank goodness. I can go home and watch LOST)Research Love Languages and see if it's a viable topic for PSYC158 Paper
WEDNESDAY:CHEM13 ClassPSYC158 Reading (because I probably will not finish it)PSYC158 ClassPSYC158 OH (hopefully she'll talk to me about my paper after class or I'm going to have to go in there on Thursday)Write criticism essay on Dave Matthews Band's Big Whiskey And The Groo Grux KingFinish editing all the other drafts for worksop
THURSDAY:Stand in line all day for SunGod wristbandHopefully have time somewhere to finish criticism and editing (hopefully I just finish them Wednesday)LTWR Class/Workshop, Turn in criticism
FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEDOM! (kinda)
FRIDAY:CHEM13 Discussion (unlikely I'll go unless there's a quiz, but even then might not get since I got EXCELLENT on my first midterm)CHEM13 Class (may or may not go, depending on SunGod wristband situation above)LTWR8C Discussion (supposed to go, but again depends on SunGod wristband situation and SunGod itself, also depends on whether or not I finish my homework for the class)
AND I TOTALLY FORGOT FRIDAY IS KATIE'S BIRTHDAY.

Helter Skelter: A Metaphor For Hecticism

This week is going to be very hectic for me.
MONDAY:Chemistry Midterm (which is over but it was all consuming for me yesterday)Meat Mondays (cooking steak and fixings for everyone, maybe I can use one of those salads int he fridge)Study for Cog Psyc midterm tomorrowRead for Psyc 158 and get questions prepared
TUESDAY:Work at the Thrift Store (10-1, maybe I can bring study materials in)Reading for LTWR8C (ooh, just remembered--there might not be any this week!)Reading for PSYC158 (since I doubt I'll finish it today)Study for PSYC 105ROOM SELECTION FOR IHOUSE (may or may not blow my brains out here, send a prayer that I live with Katie)LTWR ClassPSYC105 Midterm (but no lecture afterwards, thank goodness. I can go home and watch LOST)Research Love Languages and see if it's a viable topic for PSYC158 Paper
WEDNESDAY:CHEM13 ClassPSYC158 Reading (because I probably will not finish it)PSYC158 ClassPSYC158 OH (hopefully she'll talk to me about my paper after class or I'm going to have to go in there on Thursday)Write criticism essay on Dave Matthews Band's Big Whiskey And The Groo Grux KingFinish editing all the other drafts for worksop
THURSDAY:Stand in line all day for SunGod wristbandHopefully have time somewhere to finish criticism and editing (hopefully I just finish them Wednesday)LTWR Class/Workshop, Turn in criticism
FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEDOM! (kinda)
FRIDAY:CHEM13 Discussion (unlikely I'll go unless there's a quiz, but even then might not get since I got EXCELLENT on my first midterm)CHEM13 Class (may or may not go, depending on SunGod wristband situation above)LTWR8C Discussion (supposed to go, but again depends on SunGod wristband situation and SunGod itself, also depends on whether or not I finish my homework for the class)

Happy Mother's Day

In honor of the most amazing mother I know, my absolutely most favorite person (although she is tied with my brother and I cannot nor will not choose between them) in the entire world, I have decided to post the Mother's Day Mix I sent her for Mother's Day. I really want to post more about music on here, since it's something so integral to my life and this seems like the perfect occasion (or it could just be because I have so many things to do I feel the need to abusively procrastinate. Yes, there's that much stuff I need to do that procrastinating at this point is abusive. I feel an all-nighter coming on somewhere. Probably tonight. Anyway...)


THE MOTHER'S DAY MIX (open in new tab to listen along with each description)

"Hey Mama" by The Black Eyed Peas - I chose this one for the beginning because it literally says "Hello, Mama. This that shit that make you groove, Mama." And I thought to myself, what a perfect way to start a mix for my mother on Mother's Day.

"Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus - My mom enjoys this song. She would sing it a lot at home, every time that damn Wal-Mart commercial came on. Then we went to Disneyland and that song was EVERYWHERE there. I finally admitted to it being catchy. I thought I'd add it since she liked it so much.

"Vampire" by Antsy Pants - My mom and I love Twilight. I thought I would give her a song about being vampires because that's something we always do at Disneyland. Let me explain. At the end of the Haunted Mansion, you come up from the ride on one of those moving sidewalk things. We always wait until there's no one on it, then walk up it so it seems like we're moving super fast quite easily, and is therefore reminiscent of the way the bad vampires come in in the movie.

"Full Moon" by The Black Ghosts - The is from the Twilight soundtrack, so another nod to our mutual love of the series, but this is the song in which she thought the beginning was "When the full MOOSE turns white, that's when I'll come home." It's MOON, like the title. We make fun of her every time.

"You And Me" by The Plain White T's - I like this song. It makes me happy. It reminded me of my mom because her and me do make a her and me.

"You've Got A Friend In Me" from Toy Story - This is a tribute to our love for Disney and also to the fact that we will be seeing Toy Story 3 so soon in theatres. It's going to be awesome.

"Always Coca-Cola" by Rochapella - My mom drinks soda like there's no tomorrow. Her favorite is Coca-Cola. I thought she would just enjoy it, like a commercial within my mix.

"Relax (Take It Easy)" by Mika - My mom is such a worrier. And right now, she has a lot to worry about with everything that's going on for our family. I just wanted to give her a reminder to relax and to take it easy. But I change the words to "for there is nothing that we CAN'T do."

"So Much Love" by The Rocket Summer - I added this song because my mom really is such a loving, sacrificing mom. I am so fortunate and lucky to have her. We've had our share of horrendous fights, but I really don't think we'll ever get into that phase again. We've grown a lot since then and our relationship has dramatically changed. It's hard to think that I will not live in the same house with her one day, maybe even in the same town. When I was younger, I wanted more than anything, and now I want more than anything to stay. She's the only person I actually want to talk to everyday when I'm away from home.

"All You Need Is Love" from Across The Universe - I always try my damnedest to get a Beatles song on there. I think my mom needs a special reminder about this though- all you need is love. She's the black sheep of her family, in a way. Both her siblings are very successful financially and we... definitely aren't. I feel she has the need to compensate for that by looking well off. I always try to remind her that it doesn't matter and that all we do need is love. I think deep down she knows, but has a hard time actually living it.

"The Best Day" by Taylor Swift - This song reminds me of my mom because the best days are always spent with her. Never anything special, just being with her makes me happy. It's kind of awkward because it mentions Taylor's dad, which is obviously a person very lacking in my life, but it mentions a little brother, so it's also a shout out to him. (HEADS UP, MICHAEL) I want to learn this song on guitar and rewrite the words so that I can sing it to her one day.

"Grey Street" by Dave Matthews Band - This is our favorite DMB song. We got to hear it live when I took her to the concert this summer and it was seriously one of the best things ever. It was a moment I'll never forget. I added it just as a special little reminder. Also, because we would never tire of hearing this song even if it was played continuously over the next one million years. And we both survived that long.

"Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas - This song is from Meet the Robinson's, one of my favorite Disney movies. It made me cry at the end. This song in the midst of all that familial love was too much for my little emotional heart. It's always stuck with me. But I do believe that those little "wonders" are the most important part of life. They're the ones that will stick around.

"Kind & Generous" by Natalie Merchant - This song is pretty much a thank you to my mom for just being her, so kind and generous. We also both love Natalie Merchant. It's a really beautiful and sincere song. It goes out to everyone I love, but most especially my mom.

"Mama" by The Spice Girls - I sang this once to my mom for Mother's Day many years ago in the throes of my love for the Spice Girls. She cried. I'll never forget that.

"At Least We Made It This Far" by Relient K - This song, almost everything about it, reminds me of my relationship with my mom right now. It's probably a love song, but I don't care. I love my mommy. And at least we have made it this far. There's been a lot to stop us.

"I Hope Tomorrow Is Like Today" by Guster - This song is mostly about the chorus. And because I wanted to give my mom a Guster song.

"Have I Told You Lately" by Van Morrison - This is my family's song. We pretty much hug each other in a big circle and sway while listening to this song. It's become less frequent these days. But it's funny that this is our song, since we can't leave a room without telling each other we love each other. But it is our song. And it makes me miss my mom and brother more than anything in the entire world. I've used it in a mix to Stephanie, but (no offense, Steph), it doesn't carry the same impact.