Determination

I am determined to feel happy and be happy these next two weeks

and that doesn't feel like a good thing

because I know I won't be.

But it feels like something I have to do,

it feels like a mask I have to put on,

a wall I have to put up.

Because all I want right now is to

wrap up my dishes

take down my pictures

throw away the trash

and leave.

I don't think determining to be happy is real happiness.