Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Review of Masquerade Ball

The dance was really fun. Good people and good times. Here are the official pros and cons, no offense to Jo or Jezli.

1. It was on a boat.
2. I got to spend a long day and night with the group of people here I love the most--Nathalie, Katie, Kristen, Shirley, Rachel, Josh, Jezli, and Jo.
3. There was DANCING. You guys know how much I love dancing. Remember the Apartment Journey entry?
4. Gambling was fun. I just kept winning. I was betting the maximum amount and I couldn't stop winning. If it had been real money, I would have been a thousand dollars richer.
5. It means all the crap in the apartment is going to be gone soon.
6. There was a particular moment on the dance floor that made me really happy. I'm smiling just thinking about it. You don't get to know though. I'm going to keep it to myself to hold me over through the difficult times that lay ahead.

1. The dj sucked, which made dancing eh.
2. The dance floor was so hot and sweaty and nasty. My hair frizzed instantly, my make-sweated right off my face. I'm pretty sure there was no point in me getting ready at all because I just instantly looked like crap.
3. I couldn't get myself to be within three feet. This makes sense to me. Not to you. But... I'm pretty sure I was just awkward and awful all night and I feel really bad about it. I had a freak out.

And I don't want to have freak-outs. I don't want to be awkward and awful. I just want to be me. So, I'm going to stop making this stuff a big deal. I'm going to start talking to God about this, instead of everyone else. Because, no offense, everyone else doesn't really get it. There are people who are close, but only God really knows. I'm going to stick to what I originally thought about this whole situation and stop worrying. Start looking at reality and not what I've created in my head. I think I might be bored. I usually do this when I'm bored--create drama in my head. But I'm not going to do it. And I've been doing good so far. Hopefully it lasts.

Sorry I'm being vague and cryptic. I'm just sorting some thoughts out. You cannot really know what they are.

Asian class almost out. I think I'm just going to go home and lay in bed and read. I like the sound of that.

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