Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep for the second time, I decided I would listen to New Moon on audiobook. As I was listening, it dawned on me why I love Edward Cullen. Everyone always says things like "He's beautiful." "He's the perfect man." "He's a vampire." "He sparkles." And honestly, none of those have ever mattered to me. I realize that before I knew Robert Pattinson was Edward Cullen, I had never constructed a mental image of him. I still do not have my own view of what Edward looks like. I can see certain parts of him very well in my mind's eye from the descriptions Bella gives in the book, but not a whole Edward, and certainly not his face. Edward is also far from the perfect man. He is very insecure about himself and especially in the relationship between him and Bella. I honestly do not want someone so moody and broody and whatnot. It would be a depressing lifestyle. Plus, I am the moody, broody one. It would be really tiring though to continually assure someone of my love for them when they did not fully believe it. I will tell the man I marry I love him every second of every day, but it would be different if he did not believe it.
Anyway, I could probably talk about this for awhile, but what I want to talk about is why I like Edward Cullen. It's not any of that. It's the fact that he touches Bella. A lot. That sounds awkward, but let me explain.
If you have never heard of love language, there are five of them-- time, service, words of affirmation, touch, and gifts. Obviously the one I am referencing is touch. I like touch. It's why I give hugs and mess with people's hair as I walk past them and need to cuddle with someone when I am feeling most sad and why the most beautiful love songs are about holding hands. Touch is how I express and receive love. So it may be annoying when I mess up your hair but it's really just me saying I love you. So, I realized as I was listening to the audiobooks that I was most smiley and happy when Edward touched Bella, very simple gestures that speak volumes to me. As Bella is so aware of his touch, she describes each gesture in great emotional detail and I respond to it intensely. And that's what attracts me so to Edward.
In case your wondering, my second love language is words of affirmation. It's why I cannot leave a room without telling my mom or brother I love them and why I need to be told it a lot too. It's one of the reasons I feel like I would be more the Edward in the relationship, constantly needing someone to tell me they love me. But I think overall I would be Bella. She's just who I am in a lot of ways, but that's just how she is written, very identifiable.
Gifts and service and time are three I have not quite figured out yet. Gifts mean a lot to me because I have grown up without a lot of money so when someone spends on me it means a lot, but as I cannot reciprocate as well, it makes me feel off-balanced. Service is really sweet, but sometimes I do not notice things and do not take the time to do service to others. And time is nice. I have come to appreciate time more these days because everyone seems to have so little of it.
One day, I will explain on here why these books mean so much to me. I think few people truly understand that these books came into life just two weeks after I had lived through them. Everyone else thinks I am obsessed, but really I have just never connected with a series more.
Which is why I stopped the audiobooks at chapter three "The End." I cannot bare to listen to someone else's interpretation of something I have experienced for myself.
So I shall read that chapter, hopefully to overprepare myself for the movie so I will not cry. I don't want to cry, but if I do, Chris Weitz, you have done your job.